Conflicted
by Stargazer83
Summary: SLASH. GibbsTony. AU, response to a split decision challenge. Tony's upset. Gibbs goes to talk to him. Later, Tony decides to take matters into his own hands. Chapter2 is a repost. ON PERMANENT HIATUS.
1. I: Confilcted

Disclaimer: Don't own them. I don't own much of anything else either. So don't sue. This is merely for entertainment.  
  
Spoilers: dead man talking through split decision  
  
Warnings: AU. Slash.  
  
Note: Response to Juli's AU split decision challenge, in which Tony wasn't in the loop about the dirty ATF agent.  
  
The Challenge: Someone suggested that Kate and McGee were left out of the loop on the sting w/the dirty DEA agent (sorry, can't remember who) that took place at the end of the episode. Got me thinking.... Tony's mother hen act w/the woman (calling and asking if Gibbs knew which gun was which, etc.) was awfully convincing.  
  
What if Tony hadn't known?  
  
What if he really thought Gibbs was shot? How would he react to seeing the man he loves (whether or not Gibbs knows it) lifeless and bloody body?  
  
I twisted it a bit to my own liking.  
  
Summary: Tony's would be reaction if he hadn't know Gibbs was setting her up. Gibbs goes to talk to him after realizing he was upset about something.  
  
Tony stared at Cait. Could she really be such a jerk? Yes. There really wasn't anything he wanted to say to her so he just turned around and left.  
  
/Great. Gibbs./ Really the last person he wanted to see right now. Almost running him over was a bit childish but it felt good. He impatiently waited for the elevator to come up to their floor.  
  
"He's conflicted." he heard Cait said to Gibbs.  
  
/Damn right I am/ but it wasn't Cait or Voss he was conflicted about. He discovered about a week ago that Cait was a lot easier to be around if you just ignored her comments. They were co-workers, she didn't know where the line was, end of story. He had known lots of people like that. Voss was a bit more complicated. Yes he had felt violated. But really. If he thought he was a woman and he looked like a woman then he really was one in Tony's books. Well would have been in a few weeks. But it wasn't like Tony had never kissed a guy before. He just wanted to know about it. 's all. Bygones. The issue with Amanda/Voss wasn't gender. He had kissed the murderer of one of his friends. And he had enjoyed it at the time. /Stop./ He really didn't want to go there again.  
  
The elevator door finally opened and he stepped inside, letting out a shaky breath once the doors had closed. If he wasn't so happy Gibbs was still alive he would have killed him right after he found out he wasn't dead. Images of Gibbs, lifeless and bloody on the floor, flashed before his eyes again. Tony wanted to throw up. Again. The very first thing he had done as soon as they had come back to the office was rush to bathroom and empty his stomach. /God. How could he.../ this really wasn't the place for a breakdown. Tony shut down any thoughts on the subject and drove home as fast as he could.  
  
At home he didn't even bother to turn on the lights but went directly for the bottle of JD. He poured a glass, sat down on the couch and held the cool glass to his forehead. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to ban the unwanted pictures from his mind again. His hand shook as he set the untouched glass down on the coffee table. He had really thought Gibbs was dead. At that moment he had wanted to die, too. He still felt like his chest was buried under a ton bricks when he thought back to the moment he'd seen Gibbs lying there. He still had to remind himself to breathe.  
  
And then he found out it wasn't real. His first impulse had been to rush over to him, hold him, kiss him - assuring himself physically that he was really still alive. And he had almost done that. But then the realization had hit that once again Gibbs hadn't trusted him. That Gibbs generally didn't trust him. There were moments, when the two of them were so close that Tony could almost see his dreams of being with the older man come true and then something like this happened. He was seriously considering quitting.  
  
Tony picked up his glass again and started pacing the room. Things like today were exactly what made getting up to go to work day after day a living hell. It wasn't the stupid rules about not dating a coworker, the endless teasing, or the part where he secretly lusted after his Boss without any chance of those dreams becoming reality. He could have dealt with that. But Gibbs' disregard, dismissal was what got to him.  
  
/ARGH! We've worked together for more than two freaking years and he still doesn't trust me./  
  
He stopped his pacing and closed his eyes again as pictures of Gibbs flashing him one of his rare smiles that made thousands of butterflies flutter in Tony's stomach raced through his mind, mixed with pictures of Gibbs bloody and shot.  
  
In frustration he threw his glass against the wall, watching the glass shatter and the liquor seep down the wallpaper.  
  
He whirled around when he heard somebody pound on the door.  
  
"DINOZZO! Open the door!"  
  
Tony knew that tone of voice. If he didn't open the door in about 5 seconds, Gibbs would burst it open. He quickly went over there and threw it open.  
  
"What the hell do you want Gibbs?" Tony barked.  
  
A concerned frown appeared on Gibbs' forehead. "Everything okay?"  
  
"Yes." Normally Tony would have been ecstatic over Gibbs unusual display of concern, but right now he was far too angry and troubled. He wanted nothing more than to shut the door and go back to wallowing in his pain and misery and basking in his anger.  
  
"Why didn't you answer the door?" Gibbs demanded.  
  
"I didn't hear you knock."  
  
"What was that crash?"  
  
"I broke a glass. Are you finished with your interrogation? I want to go to bed."  
  
Tony stared to close the door, but Gibbs held his arm out, keeping it open. "Not quite."  
  
"What do you want, Boss?" Tony asked tiredly. Gibbs was in stubborn mode. The sooner he got what he wanted the sooner Tony would be alone again.  
  
"Mind if I come in?"  
  
"Is a yes gonna stop you?" Tony turned and walked back into the living room.  
  
Gibbs had to hide a grin at Tony's wisecrack. It disappeared when he saw the stain on the wall and what was left of the glass. He could kick himself for not talking to Tony sooner. Something was definitely up if he had lost his temper like that. Looking at him, Gibbs also realized that Tony seemed to have lost the 'shine' that always surrounded him. No matter how beaten up, pissed off or troubled the younger man was sometimes, he always seemed to shine, a glow radiating from within.  
  
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "You broke a glass?"  
  
"I didn't say how." Tony leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "What's this about Gibbs?"  
  
"Is there anything going on I should be aware of?"  
  
/Shit. Did he notice me staring at him?/ Tony decided to play it cool and asked, "Define 'going on'."  
  
"You and Cait seem to be fighting a lot lately."  
  
/Didn't see that coming./ "Things have been... tense for a while." Tony admitted.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Ah. Nothing specific."  
  
"Well, work it out! We can't do our job like that. Either you settle things or one of you will have to be assigned to another team."  
  
/And who would that be, eh? The screw-up you can't trust or your new pet?/ "it won't come to that. In fact. I was going to give you my resignation tomorrow and clear out my desk first thing." Enough was enough. Gibbs didn't even want him on the team anymore! Fine. Tony could take a hint. Right now, not seeing Gibbs anymore everyday seemed better than the constant stabs to his heart.  
  
"WHAT?" Gibbs head whipped up. He had meant that as a wake up call. He didn't really want any of them to leave. And sure as hell not Tony.  
  
"I said I'm quitting," Tony repeated.  
  
"Why? What the fuck is going on between the two of you? What is so bad that you won't even try to work it out?"  
  
"This isn't about Cait. Sure she's a real...." Tony was looking for a word that would describe his view of her accurately without pissing off his mentor even more.  
  
"...pain in the ass?" Gibbs supplied.  
  
"Your words not mine." Tony gave him a small smile, which Gibbs returned.  
  
"Yeah. I noticed. And I already had a talk with her about that before I came over here. So if this isn't about Caitlyn, then what is your problem?" Gibbs was at a total loss. He thought he knew Tony. He had memorized every facial expression, every look, every dimple and line on his face a long time ago. Most of the time, he could even predict exactly what comment he would make. But somewhere along the line he had lost touch with his partner in the past few weeks. He barely recognized that expression on his face right now. Tony had changed. And he had been too busy trying to find that terrorist to notice. He'd add that to the list of reasons to shoot him when he found him. And find him he would, if it was the last thing he did. But right now he'd have to let go of that. Tony obviously needed him. Gibbs looked at him expectantly, still waiting for an answer to his question.  
  
Tony held his gaze. How could somebody that smart be so dense? "You really have no clue."  
  
Gibbs shot him a confused look. "I..."  
  
"This is about you Gibbs. About us. You clearly don't rust me. You don't even want me on the team anymore! So I really don't see any reason for me to stay," Tony exploded and started pacing. Gibbs tried to interrupt him to tell him he was wrong. But Tony was too far gone to notice; he just kept on ranting. At this point Gibbs could have left the room and Tony would have noticed. He was venting all his frustration and anger, hurling a few choice words at his boss, letting everything that had been bothering him for the past few weeks out in one long rush.  
  
Tony was talking so fast Gibbs found it difficult to keep track of what Tony was saying and his own racing thoughts at the same time. But the gist was that he had treated Tony like crap – or at least that were the signals the younger man had been receiving. He was angry and frustrated, felt hurt and betrayed. And he was fed up. Today had been about the last straw. Unknowingly he had sent the other man on an emotional roller coaster for the past few weeks. First he'd been so focused on controlling his feelings and then he had solely concentrated on finding the terrorist that he wasn't even aware that he had basically cut Tony completely out of his life. To the point where Tony thought he hated him.  
  
He simply preferred to pull stunts like tonight on his own. The fewer people knew about it the better.  
  
Gibbs saw that that he had a few things he needed to set straight. "Dinozzo!"  
  
Tony was still ranting and didn't acknowledge him.  
  
"TONY!"  
  
Tony whirled around to faze Gibbs, eyes still blazing. "What?!"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
He was about to give him another earful but shut his mouth when he saw the warning look in Gibbs' eyes.  
  
"I was wrong about not keeping you in the loop. I'm sorry."  
  
Did his ears deceive him? Was Gibbs actually apologizing for the way he handled things? Tony remained silent, cautiously watching him, waiting for the other show to drop.  
  
"And I do trust you. I'm sorry if I gave you a different impression." Gibbs studied his eyes. Did he get through? He thought he saw a shimmer of acceptance in the other man's eyes when Dinozzo turned around and walked over to the window. He stood there for a little while, gazing out into the night; his arms were wrapped tightly around his torso. Gibbs decided to give him some time to think it over. Words weren't his strong suit. He prayed that Tony knew him well enough to understand that he had meant it, so finally get it into his had that he valued him.  
  
"I really thought you were dead, Jethro." Tony's voice was barely above a whisper, but the sentiment behind the words came across loud and clear nevertheless.  
  
Gibb's heart skipped a beat at the use of his first name. The statement and the emotions behind it made it skip another beat. He had had no idea he held that kind of power over Dinozzo. He'd never even have dreamed that his 'death' would affect him that deeply. Sure, somewhere deep down he'd maybe hoped that Tony cared as much about him as he did for him, but he'd never... Tony was so... straight. Well there were always gray areas around the edges... But that Tony actually returned his feelings? Not in a million years.  
  
Tony seemed so lost and scared he decided to forget about his own rules for the moment and give Tony a little physical assurance that he was okay, and that he cared about him, too.  
  
He walked up behind him and turned him around. "But I'm still here, Tony."  
  
"I know it's just that..." He was cut off by the sensation of Gibbs' lips on his own. Shocked, he was frozen in place at first. But when Gibbs brought his hands up to cup his neck and deepen the kiss he relaxed and moved into him. He let his arms hang loosely by his side. He really wasn't sure what was exactly was going on or if he was allowed to touch Gibbs. With Gibbs there always were rules, but there definitely were no rules for this. However, he couldn't stop himself from moving as close to Gibbs as possible.  
  
A low moan escaped him when Gibbs' tongue slipped inside his mouth and slid against his own. Gibbs tasted exactly like he had imagined, and yet so much better.  
  
The kissed was brief but time seemed to have slowed down. One could easily get addicted to kisses like that. Gibbs pulled away with some effort. He had to concentrate to breathe normally. Tony moved with him a bit, following the warmth; he didn't want the kiss to end. But Gibbs took a full step back.  
  
He waited for Tony to open his eyes again and then held his gaze, momentarily letting the walls he had built around himself crumble. Without breaking the eye contact he walked backwards towards the door. "Work things out with Cait. I want you at your desk at 0800 tomorrow as usual. And I never want to hear anything about quitting from you again." Gibbs reached behind him and opened the door. "Is that understood?"  
  
Tony slowly came out of the kiss-induced stupor and gave him the first real smile of the night. "Yes, Boss."  
  
He needed to leave before he did something stupid. Like kissing Tony again. "Good. See you tomorrow," Gibbs said before closing the door behind him.  
  
The End.  
  
Check out the sequel 'control'. (Though that one is rated R.) You like? Hit the review button anyways. Please?  
  
Also for those of you who don't know the address already. There's a great NCIS slash group out there. http:groups.yahoo.com/group/NavyNCISslash/ 


	2. II: Control

Disclaimer: Don't own them. I don't own much of anything else either. So don't sue. This is merely for entertainment.

Warnings: AU. Slash.

Note: Sequel to 'Conflicted'

The next morning at 7:55 Tony was sitting behind his desk. He gave Cait a short greeting and then went back to ignoring her. Yes he would have to talk to her. Probably today. But not right now. Right now he was waiting for Gibbs. Tony didn't quite know what to expect. Nothing? Some acknowledgement of the moment they had shared last night? Anger? Gibbs was a hard man to read at any time. But this was uncharted territory. But now that he knew Gibbs wanted him, he couldn't keep the grin off his face. Whatever Gibbs reaction would be. He could work with and/or on it.

"What are you so happy about?" Cait asked.

"No reason. Just in a good mood." Tony went back to checking his messages. Every so often he would glace towards the elevator. Finally the man arrived.

"Morning, Gibbs!" he cheerfully greeted his boss.

"What have we got?" Gibbs put down the obligatory paper cup on the desk, sat down on the edge and looked at them expectantly.

Cait pushed back her chair. "Nothing."

/Aw hell./ Why did today of all days have to be a slow day? Gibbs had counted on working on a case to keep his mind off things. Where was a murder when you needed one? And why on earth did Tony have to smile that way all the time. "Well. Do paperwork! Or find me a case. You're not getting paid for playing solitaire all day."

"Minesweeper, Boss. I play Minesweeper."

"Dinozzo..." Gibbs said with exasperation. Hurriedly, Tony went back to work. A smile was hinting at the corners of his mouth. Pure Gibbs. Plus only one cup of coffee. Gibbs was in a good mood. Tony liked to think he was who put him there.

The morning was unusually quiet. After his little reprimand the night before, Cait wisely kept her mouth shut. Gibbs had never been one for small talk. So Tony had no one to talk to. He quietly did his work, willing his eyes to stay on the screen and not stray to Gibbs' desk. Around lunch time he was so engrossed in his work he barely glanced over anymore. Absentmindedly he started humming a song under his breath.

"Tony?"

Tony glanced up from his notes and smiled at Gibbs. "Yeah, Boss?"

"Could you please stop that?"

"Stop what?"

/Smiling./ "Humming."

"I was?" We'll make a lover out of you yet. Great first he eyes and now his subconsciousness.

Gibbs shot him a look that said 'ye.ah!' and almost rolled his eyes.

"Sorry." Tony was about to go back to work, when the phone on Gibb's desk rang. Gibbs answered it and exchanged a few words with the other person.

"Grab your gear."

"Finally!" Tony grabbed his backpack and was up in seconds.

"Yes." Cait quietly cheered and followed the two men.

The case turned out to be pretty dull. By the end of the day they had closed it again already. They headed back to the office and finished their paperwork.

Cait loudly hit the enter key on the keyboard. "And I'm done. See you all tomorrow." She shut down her computer and headed for the elevator. Tony quickly saved the file he had been working on and followed her. "Cait! Wait up."

Gibbs could see that she'd rather swallow a box of nails than talk to Tony, but he was being stubborn. He shot her a warning look. He wanted this resolved. Cait finally gave up and got into the elevator with Tony.

Gibbs looked at the screen and sighed. He rubbed his eyes and then threw his glasses down on the desk. He hadn't even finished half of his reports day. Which hadn't been that much of a surprise. He emptied his coffee and threw the cup away. Sighing he shut the document. Maybe he would have more luck concentrating tomorrow. He leaned back in his chair and watched the faces on the other screen blur by. He still had a terrorist to catch. He was so engrossed in the database he didn't notice when Tony came back. Or that he was humming Tony's song from that morning under his breath. After a few minutes Gibbs felt Tony's eyes on him. The younger man was grinning from ear to ear.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing." Tony was still grinning. At that moment Gibbs realized what he had been doing.

He pushed his chair forcefully away from the desk.

"I need coffee." Gibbs walked to the small break room.

"Since when do you drink the poison they've labeled coffee here? I think we should let Abby run a test on it. See if that stuff really is coffee at all." Tony joked, following Gibbs through the deserted office.

"After ten. Shop's closed." Gibbs poured himself a cup. "So did you talk to Cait?"

"Yeah."

"And?" Sometimes it seemed that performing an open heart operation on himself would be easier than getting information out of Dinozzo.

"I think the problem is solved."

"Mind telling me what the problem was?"

"You're already enough of a pest to work with, Boss. I don't think feeing your ego is a good idea." Tony replied cheekily.

"This was about me?" Gibbs grimaced and set the cup of bad coffee back on the counter.

"Yes." Was Gibbs generally this clueless when it came to the effect he had on other people or was he losing his touch?

"Don't tell me she still has a crush on me."

/Maybe not completely clueless, but missed the mark by a mile./ "Nope."

Gibbs didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved. Cait wasn't really his type. But it had been flattering.

"So whatever it was, it's settled?"

"I believe I already said that, Boss."

Tony's intense gaze was making Gibbs a tad nervous. He feeling he didn't particularly cared for. He liked being in control. "Good. Then let's get back to work."

A coy smile appeared on Tony's lips. "Work hours are long over."

Gibbs started to move towards the door. "We still have paperwork to finish."

Tony cut him off and backed him up against one of the counters. "There is always paperwork. I think it can wait until tomorrow."

"Last time I checked I was still the boss." Being that close to Tony was affecting him. He needed to get out of here now. He didn't regret kissing Tony. It had been the right thing to do at the time. But the rules were there for a reason. He tried to move past Tony, keeping his eyes anywhere but on that beautiful face.

Tony held his ground. He was standing so close he could feel the heat radiating off the other man's body. Still they didn't touch at all. He licked his lips. "Rules are meant to be broken."

The hidden urgency in Tony's voice made Gibbs look him straight in the eye. The cat was out of the bag. And it sure as hell would not be pushed back in there. Tony needed this as much as he needed to know that Gibbs did care about him. It was just the next step. The rules were there to keep the team from breaking apart. What if the rules were about to break apart the team?

Tony could see the older man give in. He closed the distance between them and pressed Gibbs back into the counter, capturing his lips in a kiss in slow and rather chaste kiss. He brought his hand up to let them run over the fine sculptured arms and play with the sliver hair. He lightly nibbled on Gibbs lips, wanting to get more of the incredible taste he had gotten a sample of the night before.

Gibbs pulled him even closer and wrapped his arm around his waist. He tilted his head a bit for better access. His blood was drumming so loudly in his ears he could barely hear his own thoughts anymore. Eventually one thing came through. This was their work place. What if somebody saw them? "Tony." His voice was not much more than a hoarse whisper.

"Mmmh?" Tony started to kiss down his jaw.

"This isn't..." He was shut up by another kiss on the lips from Tony. At first he tried to resist, but as soon as Tony's hands started to sneak under his shirt, he gave up any pretence of resistance he had left and fully surrendered. He had to bite back a groan when Tony playfully bit his lip. The boy was talented. Very talented. He could restrain the groan that came when he thought about what other things Tony could probably do with his tongue.

At this point neither was able to keep the other upright and they slid to the floor, never breaking lip contact. Tony somehow ended up straddling his thighs. Tony pushed himself up a bit so their chests were touching again. Which also brought their groins together. They both moaned. Gibbs curled his fingers, gripping Tony's hair tightly, and pulled his down a bit again to deepen the kiss once more.

"Jethro are you still here?" Ducky called out. Both men went still. "Jethro?" The sound of Ducky's steps receded. They both let out their breath they'd been holding.

Gibbs broke their lip contact, rested his head against Tony's and took several calming breaths to even out with breathing. The soft puffs of Tony's slightly labored breathing made him shiver.

"That was close." Tony chuckled.

Gibbs pulled away a few inches. "You think this is funny? This is exactly why..." he broke of when he saw the hurt look on Tony's face. Sighing, he gave him small peck on the lips. This was just as much his own fault. He pulled back to look at Tony again. "Let's get out of here."

Tony smiled. "Yeah. Let's." He leapt up and brushed down his clothing, then followed Gibbs outside.

The end. 


End file.
